Living

I have been here for about 6 months now (I went home for a month), and I still feel ... I guess the best word is stuck. I feel stuck in the sense that I am trying to learn and grow, and something keeps popping up in my life that I don´t allow myself to be alone, to experience the WHOLE reason I am here.
I am warn out.
I love the land down here, I love the people, I love the experience, but I still fight an inside battle about every two months. Is this what I am suppose to be doing? Is this where I can live for forever? Most of the time I think YES, but there are nights and some days where I question motives.
I don´t want to get pushed out, but I don´t know how to change my thoughts...

Why am I wasting my time on people that don´t matter, with people that only care about themselves?

I do this, I go for a certain amount of time - not thinking of myself, not giving myself time to breathe, or be alone. Then I get in a rut, where I feel that I am crashing down and I don´t know what to do. I feel that I need to run away for a weekend or a week. I want this feeling to stop, I want to stop running.

SOLUTION:

Therefore, I have decided to take a trip ... to the lake. I can´t wait!!!
Should be a great weekend!

Next week - goal - spend no time on those that harm